the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
