I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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