Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
