Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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