He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
