i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
