Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
