Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dignity is for republicans.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
