id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
