After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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