I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
