Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
