Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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