I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
