i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
