There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize