My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize