He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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