I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
