Your tits are I can't wait for
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
