I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
