Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Shame is for Republicans.
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