I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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