That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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