I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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