New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize