The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
