so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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