dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
