Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How does one acquire holy water?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
