i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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