he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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