whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
