I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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