I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
