We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
