just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
