2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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