Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize