My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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