which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
