it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
