I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
