I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize