Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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