Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
