all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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