that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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