In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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