Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
