I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
