It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
