matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
