the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
