Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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