I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
