Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
this hospital has no fireball
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
