sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
