fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
