his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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