I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
