Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
