I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
