whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
