The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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