we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
