every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
