I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
