I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
