Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize