i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
