I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
