I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
