The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
