your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
